Procrastination
5/25/2024
Why do we procrastinate? I have been asking myself this very question. I have put off starting this blog on the regular, for fears. Fears of what? Failure?! It’s a blog for Heaven’s sake. I am not doing this for nothing other than to share my experiences on living more intentionally. Perhaps I have been trying to find that within myself. How should I be living intentionally? If you look up “intentional living”, you will get mostly that you’re to: live by your beliefs, morals, and what you want to accomplish and how you truly want to live. I think I have been struggling a little with how to begin my new journey.
On some level, I have already begun working toward my goal of intentional living. One thing I wanted to do was purge my belongings of anything that was unnecessary to me. What I may find unnecessary, is of course, not going to be the same thing as the next person. I have begun the purge of belongings in the process to move and sell my house. My house is definitely something that I have been wanting to “purge” from my life. It does not bring me joy, so therefore it must go. So to move, I must purge belongings as well! (At least in my own logic…) It is proving to be a two-fold project toward my intentional life. Selling the house is requiring me to purge things from boxes I haven’t looked in, for over 15 years. It’s quite therapeutic, yet also a struggle at times.
Perhaps this is one reason I have put off starting this blog. But the more I have been thinking about it, they can go hand in hand. I can certainly share my experiences with the purge of moving, and selling my home, in working toward a life that is more ‘me’ to the core. Do come back for updates on how this process is going. The garage sale is in the coming weeks, and the listing of my house is in the next month. There’s much to do, but I hope you will join me on this first part of my journey toward Becoming Intentionally Me.
Until next time…
Unrealized Dreams
6/4/2024
Since my last post, I have been working on getting ready for a garage sale. This is no small feat in this house. The items that will mostly be on the garage sale are unrealized dreams. Yeah, you read that right…they’re “unrealized dreams”, and they’re not my dreams. Before my mother went into a nursing home in 2014, she had it in her heart that she was going to quilt; and apparently on a large scale too. Here’s the thing, NONE of this quilting stuff was EVER used! I know that sounds crazy, but my mother’s physical and mental health declined and all this fabric and notions became that “unrealized dream”. When my mother went into a nursing home in 2014, she made me swear that I wouldn’t get rid of any of it. Ummm, I am NOT a quilter or sewer by any means. What was I supposed to do with all this stuff? My mother had the idea that her dream should become mine, and I should learn to quilt. After all, she had all the books and stuff for me, I just needed to get started!
Well, in 2014, I was just a new mother for the second time and she had just went into a nursing home for a myriad of reasons. She had it in her head she might be coming home, but I knew in my heart of hearts that she couldn’t and shouldn’t. She couldn’t take care of herself any longer, and I just wasn’t set up in my small house to accommodate all her needs. I would also soon go through my own “unrealized dreams”, and all this fabric and notions and supplies would sit toted up and not used.
Fast forward 10 years, and I have had two garage sales trying to get rid of much of this stuff, and HUGELY marked down from retail price from your local name brand craft and quilting stores. Mother knew about the first two sales, and was not happy with me at all. But what else could I really do?! What else was I supposed to do with all of this stuff? There’s a LOT…and that’s no small exaggeration either. My brother would easily vouch for that.
This year though, two years after my Mother’s passing, it’s sitting a little harder on the heart. It’s emotionally and physically demanding getting a garage sale ready. I am seeing all this stuff, and every time I think I have found a final tote of fabric, there’s more I find. Like, really Mother?!? Did you not have enough fat quarters, and fat quarter bundles, but you bought more? It stirs up so many emotions within me, and memories of having to go with her to the fabric store. Some good memories, and some not so good. Not to mention the many arguments there were with her, between me and my brother as well, about getting her to stop buying it all. When you’re in the “thick of it”, and realizing nothing will ever come of this stuff, and you’re trying to reason with your mother to stop buying and start doing something with her supplies. Like I said, MANY emotions are coming to mind again looking through and sorting through all this stuff.
The only thing that keeps coming to mind is, “Look at this unrealized dream…”. And then I look at my own favorite crafting stuff; which is paper crafting by the way, and I’m praying my own desire does not become an “unrealized dream”. I have my own slew of supplies that I have also been purging to make sure that what I am not using will go on the garage sale to someone more apt to use it before it’s useless. Part of why I have been looking back, and also looking forward, is to see where I can improve on myself to make sure that I am living “intentionally” to me. Am I using this craft stuff that I own? Does it need to find a new home? If so, how can I go about doing that? These are all the questions that are with me constantly. I want to make sure that I am not physically cluttered, and with that, I can let go of the emotional clutter that this “stuff” is bringing me.
In working in the garage yesterday with my brother, we were looking through some of Mom’s stuff like her old roller skates, childhood toy wagon, finding pictures here and there, and even money tucked into her Bible. (Finder’s Keepers to my brother on that one!). But THOSE are the memories of my Mother that I am wanting to preserve, not fabric and quilting stuff! I want to remember the dreams she WAS able to live out, and even a few (like her marriage to my father), that didn’t work out in the end.
As I look on all this going forward, I just want to tell you, it’s not too late to start a dream either! Don’t take this as “you cannot do that at your age” type of thing. But do really think on whether or not you’re living to your true self as well. My mother just didn’t have the physical and mental ability to take on such a hobby in that scale. She could have started small, and worked her way up if it was something that was working out for her, and bringing her joy. In the end, I think it brought her much sadness in the fact that she didn’t get to do any of the quilting and sewing she dreamed of. I don’t want that for myself, and I surely don’t want to leave something like this to my children either. Because I will tell you right now, it’s not just getting rid of the things. This has been a whole mental process to deal with.
So, let’s be intentional together going forward, and see how much joy THAT can really bring us…
Unrealized Dreams, pt.2
7/19/2024
I know it’s been a minute, but I am still here. I took a step back after the garage sale, for a mental break. The two days I did the garage sale from 8am-5pm in the heat was exhausting. I think I slept for two days after that. The sale did not bring in the money I had hoped for, so that had me a little bummed as well.
I have been trying to regroup my thoughts during this time away; trying to find my next path. I am still working on decluttering the house, preparing it for sale; which seems to be taking more time than it should. I have been taking small steps to start getting my address changed with some people, while also getting some stuff moved into my new house too. I am slowly working on moving my stuff out of this house, which is very good. Due to the terrible garage sale outcome, I have decided to sell some things online on the “book’s” market place. You know the one…. I suppose if I can get any money out of my stuff, that’s a plus! My thought is: the less I have to move, the better.
The decluttering has been cathartic for sure. It’s a very freeing feeling to have the stuff leave my home; whether it’s in the trash can, donation bin, or being sold. Do you know the feeling? It’s a very peaceful feeling when you really get on a roll. To let go of the clutter, and the feelings that go with it is freeing to a degree. Although I have to admit, the feeling doesn’t last long. Especially when I turn around and see more that needs to go out the door too. But I persist, and I keep going…because I don’t want to be done until that feeling of contentment sticks.
I have been trying to think of what photo I would include with this post. I suppose the fabric mentioned in the last post seems like the most logical. Although there were THREE tarps full of fabric laid in my driveway for the sale, I will spare you and just include one.
I will keep this blog short for this time. Do know, I am always thinking of what to share with you all, and will try to be more consistent with posting. That will be my intention…. What are you working on?
Frustrations
8/3/2024
I have been struggling lately with being at the mercy of other people’s timelines. I am trying to be patient, yet I am finding it hard. Mostly because I am supposed to be moving, but I cannot move into the house I am supposed to be moving into, until someone else moves out. This other person owns the house, and is also doing me a favor by renting the house to me once they have moved out, but it’s the waiting. I was supposed to be moved in February, according to the owner. Yet here it is the beginning of August, and I am still not moved in because they don’t have all their stuff out yet. And there’s nothing I can say or do to make the process go faster. I should have sold my house by now and we’re getting to the end of the selling season for housing, so this needs to be done. The housing market is starting to change as well, so that is also a concern of mine. I am worried I won’t be able to sell the house for a fair profit the longer this is taking, and how the market keeps changing.
So what am I doing in the meantime? Well, I am working on sorting through my things to see what I can sell, and what I can donate. I am also sorting through my brother’s things to see what he needs to be taking to his place. He used to live with me, and he still has stuff at my house all these years later. I am making lists, and more lists, and more lists, as if this is going to help me be more organized with the decluttering and then the cleaning when the time comes. Only time will tell if this proves to be useful. It makes me feel better for now, so I suppose there’s some purpose to it. Haha! I am trying to give myself more grace and let myself feel all the emotions. I am anxious, impatient, depressed it’s not going fast enough, and feeling despair with not having enough money to pay all my bills. Like I think a majority of the country is feeling at the moment when it comes to the bills. I am trying to get a grip on my finances while still in this house, while knowing that when I sell the house, a good chunk of the proceeds will be going to getting myself out of debt.
The mental stress of my job is a subject for the next blog, but it’s not been helpful either. It is definitely one thing that I am looking forward to working on getting away from in the future. It doesn’t serve me mentally, emotionally, or creatively, so I need to find something else that brings me satisfaction in those areas.
For now, I will let you know that, I am doing the best I can with the situation I am in. I am taking it one day at a time. I am getting up in the morning, and making sure I treat myself to my morning coffee here at home. It’s the one thing I truly wake up and look forward to having before the kids wake up. I’m sure all you parents can relate; to have a nice cup of coffee while it’s still quiet in the morning. I am making my lists, for whatever purpose they’re serving me in this time of my life, and I am purposefully thinking of my next steps all the time.
I hope you all are well…